FYI - I have golden retriever puppies for sale. They look a little like ripped cardboard and they are expensive. Let me know if you want one.
I took a personal day off from work today. I had some personal stuff to accomplish. Of course, Audrey wakes up sick and has to stay home. It all went fairly smoothly until after we picked Landon up from school and went to FRED's. For those of you that don't have one, it is a step down from Wal-Mart. Upon entering Fred's, Audrey observes a piece of ripped up cardboard on the floor. She picks it up, it's a fan, a gun, a pencil, and finally a dog. Halfway through the store she finds red thread and creates a collar leash for her dog. In line for the checkout, one lane open only, Audrey makes the lady in line behind us pet her dog. cringe. Landon becomes involved at this point, He insists it is not a dog and she needs to quit telling people it is. She begins screaming it is a golden retriever, her dog, and she loves him. Landon is screaming, " if it is a retriever make it retrieve something". I was impressed with his comeback, but the situation was getting out of hand. Realize that Audrey and Landon have already reversed sibling roles. He is a lot more mature, so I begin explaining to him that he needs to be the mature person and just let Audrey do her thing. Audrey is barking in two different pitches. One for her and one for her dog's responses to her. She screamily translates how much her and the dog don't like Landon. The woman behind us is trying to calm Audrey down as her husband jokes about it being a cheap dog to feed. This statement comes ironically as I pull a bag of bacon wrapped dog bones out of our cart. Evidently her dog needs treats. I decided to just buy the bones for my dog to avoid a full on Autistic melt down. Landon is still mumbling under his breath, "It is not a dog", and Audrey is sticking her tongue out and blowing raspberries at him, and barking . We finally head out the door and I realize if Audrey licks the glass exit, I will not be phazed, she is at that point and frankly so am I. The cool glass looked a little refreshing. In the parking lot Audrey begins to dance and skip with her dog. Landon is ready to die of embarrassment, she just won't give it up. He runs to the car, gets in to hide and she skips and dances with her dog. I begin to put groceries in our car. I hear her scream, "My doggie can fly. My doggie can fly." She is running in the parking lot now, with her ripped cardboard, attached to a piece of thread and screaming "My Doggie can fly". I finally get her into the car in time for her to announce she has named her Golden Retriever Landon. My son decides this is the last straw. He has endured much to much. While I am driving, Landon attacks Landon in an attempt to protect Audrey from her brother. Evidently a cardboard dog is brutal when it is backed up by a slapping hand. I told Audrey if she hit her brother with Landon again I was throwing him out the window. I also told her if she did not change the dog's name I was throwing him out the window. In the last ten minutes of the ride home, The "dog"( as it is once again called) , gave birth, cleaned his babies, and then licked Landon. Somehow the dog kiss was wet, Landon is traumatized. Audrey is making plans for her daddy to build a dog house.
FYI - I have golden retriever puppies for sale. They look a little like ripped cardboard and they are expensive. Let me know if you want one.
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Gina McClung
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